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I actually really dislike my own shots

When I got my best friend hooked on photography four years ago I didn't think that he'd ever rub into my face that he can afford expensive gear (and at the same time the German government is hell bent on abolishing retirement and social security payments). Right after the flex he decided to ghost me and probably wouldn't have apologized at all if I wouldn't have blocked him for this sudden dick move.

What was particularly hurtful to the point of making me cry was how he suddenly started to pretend to be some long-time professional giving me advice I wasn't asking for at all and the subsequent ghosting. I showed him some tricks and sent him my Lightroom copy that I've been using since 2013, only pretty much to be told that my photos suck compared to his latest ones he shot with a mid-range Sony and a Sigma Art. Meanwhile I've been using my Canon EOS 700D since 2014 and was forced to replace my telelenses – both of which I had to save money for – decided to become friends with mold. Replacing both with a cheaper alternative, which may have turned out to be better than both lenses, hurt because the first replacement had to be sent back due to also being moldy, whereas the final lens ultimately hurt my bank account.

But even now I still consider the vast majority of my shots to be "meh". I shouldn't be too hard on myself, given that I did improve over the years and all despite of what happened between 2015 and 2019. Still, he reminded me that working on your skills doesn't matter when you can spend thousands on gear and little to no worries beyond photography.

The period between 2015 and 2019 was a trainwreck beyond my control. I largely quit my photography studies after the passing of my father, just a year later I learned that someone I used to consider a friend for some time blatantly tried to copy my hobby – nearly identical gear purchased just shortly after me and just a few weeks after our friendship fell apart for the second time less than two years prior – and went down the "GAS" ("Gear Acquisition Syndrome") to "beat me" for reasons I still don't understand (only to sell most of their gear after they finally found a new hobby). This person even went so far as to travel across the entire country just to take a shot of an old East German company's logo and join every single photography site I was on at that time.

Now with my best friend getting all snobby about his gear really did make me feel used, especially because I already told him that I'm very critical of my own shots due to my relatively cheap gear's limitations. Most of the people that were given free shots during my village's anniversary back in 2018 were more than pleased by the quality, some even wanted to pay me for them (even though that it was our anniversary which I shot for free anyway). One couple regularly hires me to shoot their goats and sheep and they love every single shot, despite most being... boring and poorly lit.

But although my best friend and I had a long talk, I still can't let go of the general mentality among photographers with mid- to high-end gear looking down on anyone with entry-level gear – or, god forbid, a smartphone camera – just to feel good about their expensive purchases and let people know how wealthy they are. While I was shooting my village's anniversary, a photographer from our local newspaper showed up on the day of the parade with two high-end Canon cameras. The moment he saw me carrying my tiny 700D with a lousy "pancake" – the EF 50mm f/1.8 II, the worst among the Canon pancakes – he scoffed to himself, turned around and avoided being near me or even snapping a shot of me wearing my mother's old FDJ blouse out of sheer spite. His shots were released the following week and virtually every neighbor I talked to and my mother considered his shots to be... well, absolute ass. Everyone preferred my shots and "how clear they are", despite of my intentional nostalgia-inducing post-processing. This guy showed up with a 5D MK IV, show in RAW and just dumped them all as-is into our newspaper; I picked my best shots, edited them by hand, let my now-dead Canon Selphy handle the printing and handed them out. Nothing else.

Being my own worst critic whilst being as kind as possible to everyone else may have made me a better photographer compared to this newspaper photographer but it's soul-crushing to be told that I'd be even better if I'd just dump more money on lenses or budget solutions such as macro rings that have been known to break Canon DSLR's and Canon lenses in particular. I've been trying to teach that the gear itself is secondary at best and that photography, even when being treated as just a craft or just another tool to document stuff, still is an art.

I still don't like most of my shots and it took me years to finally get back into photography, even longer to finally make some shots public again. I don't know what went through his head when he decided to highlight the worth of his gear, given that I mocked an entomologist with THE most expensive gear funded by tax payers not too long ago for all of their shots being ultimately lifeless. His remarks and the ghosting that followed it didn't help at all – and my teary frustration only hurt him badly, too – really didn't help at all.

But maybe someday both of us can be healthy about a hobby that is fundamentally toxic.